We were fortunate to meet Stephanie Ly, who follows TVOParents on Twitter. That’s where she learned about our contest to win tickets to the Brain Power conference. She entered, and she won.

Like many of us, Stefanie is a parent who educates herself on the best ways to raise happy, healthy kids.

She and her husband have learned about neuroscience and the importance of developmental psychology and attachment parenting. She’s a fan of Gordon Neufeld’s approach to child development and the importance of parent attachment.  At home, she and her husband read to their children and recognize the importance of music in brain development.

Here's my interview with Stefanie:

Here are more pictures from the Brain Power Conference.
 

After some research (yes, there's always research) and talking with his teacher, I let him write the tests. He didn't mind at all. In fact, he loved it because between tests the kids would go out and run around the schoolyard while other kids were in class, which made it extra special.

What I learned from that experience is to relax about EQAO. I told my kids then and many times afterwards that the test was testing the school system, not them, and that they should do their best but not worry at all about it. That was good enough and kept the stress out of theirs and my life.

While the EQAO is a fact of life in Ontario, not everyone agrees with such standardized testing. Our panel debated the issue.

Whether you agree with it or not, if you have kids in Grade 3,6 or 9, I know EQAO is on your mind. Here at TVOParents we've assembled some information for you, the Parents' EQAO Test Toolkit. You'll find articles and video interviews explaining what the tests are and what they mean and how to handle any stress they may cause. 

And if your kids have questions they can tune into a special edition of The Homework Zone Monday May 14th from 4-7pm. Teacher Troy will be on hand with The Space host Kara to take kids questions about the tests.  Kids can also send in questions via email for Kara and Troy to answer while on the air.

Dare I say, enjoy the tests.

What happened was an assembly to recognize and talk about Mental Health Week. A student rose to speak to the audience about her own family's situation. She cried. Her peers listened. When she was done, every student rose in support and applauded her courage. "Half the school was crying," my daughter said.  School administrators then allowed kids who were upset or had more to talk about to gather in a classroom to continue the conversation. Classes could wait. My daughter said kids were crying off and on all day. "But it was good, Mom."

My daughter's school understands that young people are affected by mental illness. One in five of us are. It might be someone in their families, like that girl who bravely told her story. It could be a friend, a friend's parent, a classmate, them.  Half of all mental illness begins before the age of 14. Think about that.

Perhaps the most common childhood mental illness is depression. Dr. Marshall Korenblum is one of the Toronto's foremost experts on childhood depression. He explains what to look for and what to do about it.

TVO has focused heavily on mental health issues in the past few weeks and here at TVOParents, we've put together a page on kid's mental health with several interviews with people who know a lot about this.

Tell me this: do you and your kids talk about mental health at home?  Are you comfortable talking about it?  Do you have any advice to help other parents open the conversation with their kids? We'd like to know, because the more we talk about it, the better it will be.

But is that a good thing?

According to developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld, peers can help foster a sense of self-esteem and belonging in your child. They can also help kids learn how to get along with each other. And let’s face it, friends mean we don’t have to spend every waking minute with our kids.

The problem is that for kids today, peers are starting to become more important than their parents. Neufeld says this was never meant to be and it makes parenting and teaching more difficult.

“Attachment and development issues are far more important at that age than learning and socialization,” Neufeld says. In other words, creating attachments between parents and kids are more important than creating attachments with peers. He argues that proper attachment to parents or a caring adult is first and foremost to a child’s development. It’s more important than integrating into society or socializing or bonding with peers. This kind of parental attachment shields children from a “wounding world,” he says.

“It makes them receptive to our care and instruction. And it gives birth to their individuality. This kind of attachment is a way of giving your heart,” Neufeld says.

Sending a child to daycare or kindergarten, or on play dates interferes with the attachment required to raise children, says Neufeld. It can lead to peer attachment or what Neufeld might call the peer problem, as children replace parents with their peers.

“Peer orientation sabotages the context for raising our children,” says Neufeld.

The key is to recognize that attachment to parents should be first and foremost in a child’s development – before socialization, before learning ABCs or 123s.  Why? Because peers can be insensitive and can negatively influence kids possibly leading to serious problems in the future, says Neufeld.

The reality is many parents cannot be with their kids 24/7. Kids do go to school, and to friend’s houses. So what can parents do to maintain a healthy attachment?

Neufeld says parents can encourage relationships with other caring adults such as day-care providers, babysitters, mentors, coaches and teachers. These caring adults can help bridge the attachment gap when a child is at school or even on a play date, instead of with parents.

Peer relationships are fine, as long as they don’t compete with parental or adult attachment, says Neufeld.

You can watch Gordon Neufeld's entire lecture on friends:

He thought that meant we simply couldn’t study now.

Mom can’t possibly come up with some examples of Grade 3 math fractions that are relevant to this particular unit in math class, right?

As it turned out, that’s exactly what I was able to do with the help of the TVOKids.com Homework Zone website.

I simply logged on for free, clicked on math, clicked on fractions and was able to find worksheets, video tutorials with an actual math teacher, games to play to reinforce math skills and even sample EQAO test questions. (We've also built an EQAO Toolkit for Parents.)

Needless to say my son was not amused.

The educator at TVOKids is constantly updating the Homework Zone database with new materials under the categories of math, science and language.

Meanwhile, EQAO testing itself will be the topic of discussion on TVO during TVOKids’ The Space May 14^th from 4-7pm. Teacher Troy will be on hand with host Kara to take kids questions about the tests, which will be held across the province at the end of the month.

Kids can also send in questions via email for Kara and Troy to answer while on the air.

Neuroeducation is born out of the idea that the brain is plastic and can change depending on the environment. Neuroeducation seeks to work parts of the brain that are the foundations for learning. Think of it this way - rather than drilling your child with math flashcards so they memorize facts, you present activities that strengthen the parts of the brain needed to memorize and compute math. Make sense? 

I hosted the afternoon of the first day and producer Albert Wisco took pictures.

Some highlights:  

• Sylvain Moreno, Lead Scientist at Baycrest's Centre for Brain Fitness, defined neuroeducation.

• Ellen Bialystok talked about how learning languages changes the brain. She's joined us here at TVOParents to talk about language and learning.

• Martin Keltz and Michael Hirsch, children's media producers, gave a preview of their new product in development.
   
• Gavin Bidelman and Angela Elster spoke about the changes that occur in the brains of children who have studied music. I found this presentation particularly interesting because two of my kids were very musical for several years. They're not playing or singing now that they're older. How many of us have kids who played or sang for awhile, but did not end up pursuing a career in music?  My question to Gavin after his talk was "Do the brain changes last?"  I think we'll have to bring him in to talk more about that. Stay tuned.

We've put together everything we have on your child's brain development. It's worth a look, especially as we learn more about neuroeducation. Enjoy.

I thought they were great stories. My kids liked them. The audio tapes were a brilliant way to pass the time in the car and it gave us something to talk about later. The British accents were gorgeous and rich, the imagery magical.  But they were and are disturbing. Why do we love these stories?  Here's what our Book Club panel had to say about fairy tales.

Fairy tales have evolved over time. Today you can find versions that turn the original on its head, so to speak, such as The True Story of the Three Little Pigs, told from the wolf's perspective. Or modern fairy tales with girl heroes, like Robert Munsch's The Paper Bag Princess.  There are hundreds of fairy tales from every culture, but they carry common themes of childhood fears, conflict, family, right and wrong. Our expert's picked their favourites.  What are yours?  Oh, and how old do you think kids should be before they hear some of the scarier stories?

A new report released today by People for Education is questioning that. Are the waiting list numbers really dropping? Or are schools facing a cap on how many kids they can assess every year?

In a survey sent to 400 school principals across Ontario (school boards were not identified) up to half of them (50% of the elementary schools) reported a cap - they get two to three assessments per year and they have to choose which kids will be the "lucky" ones. Or, even if there wasn't a cap placed on them, some boards just can't get access to any psychologists.

And there is regional disparity - 80% of elementary schools in eastern Ontario reported having caps on their list, 32% in the GTA.

There is also no apparent consistency on who gets assessments - one school reported being told there will be no assessments this year as the board tries to catch up on last year's referrals and another reported receiving 15-20 assessments.

"Several principals said that while there is no cap in their school, more students have special needs than are being put forward for assessment."

People for Education ends their report with recommendations...what would yours be?

We have a whole raft of material for you on special needs. But you knew that, didn't you?

The Ontario government have released their new fundraising guidelines. Some are wondering if it's enough to level the playing field. As reported in the Toronto Star in the Toronto board alone, "the top 20 money-generating schools, primarily in wealthy neighbourhoods, collected a total of $4.4 million, compared to just $103,000 for the bottom 20 schools, most in needy areas."

Wondering if it matters? Oh, it matters. Have a look at our fascinating panel discussion on Private Money in Public Schools.

Well, if your child is lucky enough to have a teacher like that, they can recognize that hard work by entering their teacher in the TVOKids Best Teacher Ever competition.

“What you have to do is log on to TVOKids.com and tell us why your teacher is the best teacher,” says Marney Malabar, executive-in-charge of production of TVOKids’ afternoon program The Space. “It’s that simple. All teachers will be put in a random draw.”

Teachers who don’t win may also be posted as Teacher of the Day on TVOKids.com.

The contest begins May 7 and runs until June 17. The winner will be drawn on June 19.

There are three prize categories:

• JK&SK
• Primary (Gr.1-3)
• Junior (Gr.4-6)

Winning teachers in each category will get a Playbook, as will the child who submitted the teacher’s name.  The teacher also gets $100 from Scholar’s Choice and the entire class gets a pizza party.

Nine teachers (3 in each category) will also be selected for runner-up prizes of a $100 Scholar's Choice gift card.

We're heading out to the Brain Power Conference and will hear from scientists, academics, researchers and children's entertainment producers about what's new in the study of neuroscience and how we can use it to help our kids. TVOKids producers will be there to tell you how their games and programs help kids learn. You can still get tickets if you're interested. 

We've put together everything we have on this topic, and it's a lot, so browse around.  Did you know that reading is not natural? That bullying actually changes the victim's brain? That the way you parent affects your child's brain?  It's fascinating, and rather important, don't you think?

Stay tuned. We'll have photos and more information for you after the conference.

She has trouble with her working memory and hates having to perform in front of a crowd, so I'm wondering just what will happen when she's asked to stand before her class with a friend and recite, from memory, 50 lines of Shakespeare. I got my first glimpse last night when she whipped out her passage and practised with me.

I was impressed.  We came up with strategies for memorizing - words that started with the same letter, making sure she understood the meaning which makes it easier to remember, talking about the metaphors. It seemed to work. And her diction was fantastic, better than some of my classmates in my university Shakespeare class. This doesn't mean it's going to be easy. It will be a monumental challenge for her, and I hope her teacher will help her out if she chokes. Having said that, I wish she had more opportunities to practise her working memory. Seems that doesn't happen much in classrooms any more, unless you're in drama class.

We talked to researcher Lisa Archibald from Western University about working memory. She explains what you can and can't do to improve it.
 

I recently heard a radio interview with writer Jeanette Winterson, who memorized literary passages as a child because her parents would take away her books. It was a way for her to always be able to draw on the beauty of the words. No one could take them from her if they were stored in her head. I loved that story and hearing my daughter read Shakespeare's gorgeous prose reminded me of it.

That's one reason to learn things by heart. Another might be to counter our reliance on our digital devices.  Are there other reasons?  Do your kids get asked to memorize much in school anymore? Do you think they should?

According to Dr. Gabor Maté, who spoke at the KMT Childhood Development & Community Conference on April 14, 2012, yes, childhood stress does lead to diseases like cancer and multiple sclerosis.

Maté argues that these diseases often affect people with certain personality traits, like:

• An inability to say “no;”
• A need to please others;
• A feeling that one is responsible for the feelings of others;
• Unable to express healthy anger;
• Rigid and compulsive identification for duty rather than oneself.

Maté believes that these traits are the result of a stressful childhood—a childhood in which there was little attachment to a loving adult, or a childhood full of trauma.

Hmm… Well I am a people pleaser, and I just ended treatment for breast cancer. I was spanked occasionally as a child (it was the 70s) and my parents worked a lot.
So, does that mean my cancer is my Mom’s fault?

As I sat in the back of the room, listening to Dr. Maté speak, my reaction was visceral. Sure, I could understand intellectually, but my gut was calling foul.

As hard as I tried, I couldn’t pin my cancer on my childhood. Sure, I had stress. My parents got divorced, I felt unloved and unwanted sometimes, but overall, I lived a pretty privileged life. So, if my cancer was caused by stress as Maté says, then I caused my cancer. Why? Obviously I’m bad at coping with a little bit of stress.  

I come to this conclusion because I have met people who have real stress. I have met people who have witnessed the slaughter of a parent, who never knew growing up where the next meal will come from, or who had a child murdered in their arms. Now that’s stress.

If Maté is right, then cancer, MS, rheumatoid arthritis, and autism should be sweeping across populations in third world, war-ravaged countries in epidemic proportions. But, in fact, when you look at the prevalence of MS in other countries, those nations that are known for poverty, war and genocide see very little MS.

Breast cancer is believed to be a disease of the developed world, with African countries having the lowest rates of the disease. Yet, look at a place like Rwanda, which is now a nation of children who lost their parents to genocide. They had no mother to tell them how wonderful they are, no father to play catch. Yet—no epidemics.

I think we reject the idea that illness could be so random, so we’re always looking for a cause. Why did I get it instead of her? It just seems so unfair. So, it had to be a cold mother, or too much BBQ, or because you sat in the car with a smoking uncle when you were 12.

Don’t get me wrong. I respect Dr. Maté. I agree that we need to foster strong attachment relationships with our children. I even believe that stress can cause illness. But I think stress is part of the puzzle of disease, not the whole picture.

What do you think? How much of a role does childhood stress play in your life now? Do you think it causes illness?

To that end, we've posted interviews, articles and blogs to get you thinking about your child's mental health and what to watch for.

Depression is the most common mental illness - one in ten kids shows signs of depression and you'd be surprised at how young it can start.

Anxiety is also very common and can be debilitating, especially at school where kids are faced with new and demanding situations every day.  Psychologist Robin Alter has developed an approach to help kids with a certain kind of anxiety - that caused by a vivid imagination. Do you have one of these kids?  I do, so I found this helpful.

We've also talked about a cause of mental illness that's rarely talked about - racism. Kids who suffer from discrimination or even perceived discrimination report worse mental and physical health than others. This is a very complicated issue but Kwame McKenzie is a master at explaining how and why racism affects kids' mental health and what we can all do about it.

We're not alone in trying to understand mental illness. TVO is presenting Mental Health Matters, an in-depth exploration of mental health issues. TVOKids is involved too. Kara and Kids Help Phone counselor Duane answer e-mails and calls from kids about issues at school or home that may be affecting their well-being during a special edition of the TVOKids Help Zone. That's Monday, May 7 starting at 4pm.  And of course, tvoparents has a lot of information to help. We truly hope it does.

This is the first of what will be an annual conference examining what's going on in a child's brain and how we can positively affect its development. Neuroscience. Over two days, May 3 and 4, 2012, there will be keynote presentations, hands-on workshops, conversations. 

I'll be hosting the afternoon of the first day and taking part in a conversation with Michael Hirsh and Martin J. Keltz. They're the guys behind the wildly successful series "The Magic School Bus". They're going to talk about the future of children's entertainment and how it will not only be fun, but will have a postitive impact on kids' brains and their ability to learn.

Ellen Bialystok will speak about brain development, especially as it relates to language and bilingualism. She's joined me here in our studios to talk about this. It's fascinating research - even won her the Killam Prize for Outstanding Career Achievement.

Also on the first day we'll hear Sylvain Moreno discuss research on how brains change, John Godfrey on how all of this will affect classrooms, and Angela Elster and Gavin Bidelman will look at the connections between art and science.

On the second day of the Brain Power Conference, you get to learn from the experts - the teachers, researchers and neuroscientists. There will be demonstrations and hands-on workshops. Jessica McLaughlin and Pat Ellingson of TVOKids will be there too to show you how our research-based educational games are good for the brain.

So enter our contest - I hope you win. And make sure you come over and say hi. We'll carry on this conversation afterwards.

This is not to say I didn't offer my sage advice. For instance, I told my son he probably shouldn't squat in the middle of the soccer field and view the sky through his hands while the game was on. (He's now a cinematographer, but I didn't know that then.)  I also told my daughter that doing cartwheels while manning first base probably wasn't a good idea during the softball game. Maybe after.

It's hard to know how involved we should be in our kids' games. Our job is to teach, no?  For some reason, though, it all seems to go wrong when it comes to sports.

I just read an article in The Post Game in which two coaches talk about their informal survey done over three decades. They asked college athletes, "What is your worst memory from playing youth and high school sports?" The most common response: "The ride home from games with my parents."  Ouch.  What made them feel good?  When parents said, "I love to watch you play."

We talked to some experts about The Value of the Game: What Kids Learn from Sports.

We also have some advice about choosing house league or rep team, and how to put fun first for your child. 

What are your memories of playing sports as a kid?  And how do you react to your own kids' games?  I'd love to hear your stories.

I think part of the reason why these efforts don’t make a dent is because no one thinks their kid could ever possibly bully someone. Add to this the fact that we don’t all seem to agree on what exactly bullying is, and you have a recipe for spinning our wheels.

Developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld spoke on the topic of bullying at the KMT Child Development and Community conference this past weekend and said bullying happens when the natural and normal alpha instincts in a child are no longer tempered by caring and responsibility. He said a bully is born when a kid with an alpha complex (which on its own is healthy if married to a need to help) is too vulnerable to connect to their helping side. This happens when the bully is having trouble in his or her life, is upset and emotionally defensive. This causes the child to be unable to connect to their caring side. Neufeld said if these kids are able to find their tears and express their upsets then the bully instinct dies.

This is a much kinder take on the bully than what we’re used to hearing. It’s one that gets to the heart of the problem and I think can be very useful in ending many socially aggressive dynamics in schools. Teachers, counselors and principals need to be aware of this need to help these kids open up about what’s upsetting them. We need to have compassion. We immediately demonize these children and punishment is swift. We need to realize that these kids are in pain and we need to get to the bottom of it. When I think back on my childhood, the kids who were my bullies all had broken homes or some kind of drama unfolding behind closed doors.  Kids don’t hurt others unless they are hurting on the inside themselves. Saving the victim of the bullying should always be a priority, but let’s not forget the other child who clearly is also in pain.

It’s also critical for every one of us as parents to be really tuned into our kids and notice if they are upset about something. This needs to particularly be the case if things in our child’s life are tumultuous and we know it. We need to listen in from time to time to how our kids are talking to their friends on playdates. We need to entertain the possibility that our kids could inflict this kind of trauma on another child. Because if it’s not my child who is bullying and it’s not your child who is bullying, whose child is the bully?

Check it out and all the other talks from the conference.

We know this is an important issue, and here at TVOParents we have lots of information about your child's well-being.  We've also talked with some people who know quite a bit about how to get kids moving and the effect on learning. We've called that discussion Healthy Schools, Healthy Minds.

What do you think? Do your kids get enough MVPA?

My son had two films screen at Tiff's Jump Cuts, way back when he was in Grade 7 and 8.  He seemed so grown up then, but now I realize just how young he was. The first time, in a very great bout of indecision, he just could not pick a topic. Days, literally, before the deadline, I said, "Just make a film about anything, about the colour yellow. It doesn't matter."  That seemed to take the pressure off and he made a film called "Squared." Guess what it was about?  It was fun and creative and had a kooky little sound track. He pulled it off and it was chosen by Jump Cuts to be screened at a real theatre...very thrilling. Even better, we had a whole row of friends and family there to watch, including his wonderful teacher who had told him about it in the first place.

With that success, he did it again the next year and his film was once again screened at Jump Cuts. This time, he set up a time lapse and produced a 27-second film of a storm moving in across a valley.  What I loved most about that one was the sound track. He laid in the most complex audio and it was mesmerizing. Guy Dixon of the Globe and Mail noticed and wrote about it. My son was quoted as saying the film was "subtle." It was. This year, a short film he shot was screened at TIFF - the adult festival.

There's no doubt in my mind his early exposure and success making films led him to that moment. Tiff Kids Film Festival gives kids a chance not only to watch movies for kids made by adults but to create their own. This is the real genius of the festival. Some of these kids will end up being filmmakers, like my son. Some won't but will learn so much in the process. It's a win-win situation, a celebration of our visual world.

If you can't get to the festival, which runs until April 22, go to TVOKids, watch some of the entries with your kids and vote. Your kids could even win a camera and start making their own movies. Then it's Tiff Jump Cuts and then Tiff and who knows where they'll end up.

Today, however, is the Day of Pink, an international day against bullying, discrimination, homophobia and transphobia in schools and communities. Here's our team, all dressed in pink last year on this day.

It may seem bullying is getting a lot of attention these days.  It is.  And it should. When I spoke to Lee Hirsch, director of the documentary "Bully", he said we're finally at a turning point where bullying is recognized for the damage it does and is being taken seriously. Perhaps that's why the movie is generating so much interest.

If you want to learn the latest research on the effect of bullying and how it actually changes the brain of the victim, or to find out what parents are dealing with or what schools can do, take a look at our site. We've talked to some of the best experts in this field.  Now it's up to us.  Guess you could start by wearing pink and showing your true colours.

Lee Hirsch spent a year in the American mid-west with his camera and microphone, following the lives of five families whose kids have been bullied. Two of the families have lost their children to suicide due to the relentless bullying, so you hear from the parents. Brace yourself and bring tissue. The other three - well, you watch while they're taunted, pushed, stabbed with pencils, excluded.

It's painful enough to see the way these kids are treated by their peers but it's absolutely heartbreaking to see the effect it has on their families. Not only that, you get the sense that all the adults in their lives are letting them down. The parents, who love their kids and want to help often don't know the extent of the problem because it's hidden, just under the surface. As one dad says, his son never came home with a bloody nose. The bullies knew how to hurt him just enough that it didn't show to others. The victims hide it because they're ashamed. Teachers and school officials make things even worse by denying the problem or, in one particularly horrifying scene, blaming the victim and forcing him to make up with his abuser. I'm angry just thinking about it. How could she?

I'll be honest. After seeing the movie, I felt very pessimistic that kids will ever be free of bullying. How can they when we hear that an entire town shuns a family when their daughter comes out as a lesbian? Or when teachers turn a blind eye to bullying? When school bus drivers ignore abuse? When kids, and even adults, lie about what's happening in order to protect themselves?  I asked Lee Hirsch, and he's more hopeful than I am. He's thrilled that in Canada, kids will be able to see the movie on their own because it's been given a PG rating. In the US, the Motion Picture of America Association slapped it with an R rating because there are few swear words (this at a time when kids can go on their own to see kids fight each other to the death in The Hunger Games - don't get me started.)

Hirsch wants to start a conversation, to get people talking. If you see this movie, you won't be able to stop yourself from talking about it - with your kids, your friends, your teachers and school officials. If even one kid changes the way he acts on the school bus - maybe refrains from hurting another child, or stands up for his friends, or tells a caring adult, Hirsch says the movie will have been a success. 

Bully exposes what's so often hidden. I hope you see it.

In the meantime, take a look at our conversations on bullying, where experts give us their best advice on how to stop it.

Most statistics show that 1 in 110 people show signs of the disorder, but new research in the US says it's more like 1 in 88. Researchers attribute that to better detection and improved access to services.  Either way, that's a lot of people. A lot of kids.

International autism specialist Dr. Wendy Roberts joined a panel of experts, and me, to discuss what causes autism and what doesn't, the early signs to look for and the best treatments available.

We've also written several short articles to help you learn more:  Austism @ School, Understanding Autism: What is Fact and What is Fiction, and Is it Autism?  Chances are you know someone who is on the autism spectrum, and it only takes a few minutes to find out more about it.

Now, if you see blue tonight, you know why.

Bully has been in the news lately because the feature documentary was given an R rating in the US by the Motion Picture of America Association. After a very public fight with the producer, the MPAA refused to change it, so the producer is releasing the movie unrated which severely restricts the number of theatres that will show it. Canadian provinces, however, have given the film a PG rating, meaning that children can see it without an adult present.  After having seen the movie, I'm at a loss as to why the MPAA has made it adult-only.  Apparently it's due to a few swear words that are uttered, but c'mon - it's okay for children to watch kids fight to the death in the Hunger Games, but not hear a bully curse his victim?

The reason this ratings issue is so disturbing is because I think everyone should have the opportunity to see this film, including - especially - kids. They're the bullies. If they're old enough to hurt other kids, they're old enough to see the pain it's causing.

Bully follows the lives of five families in the mid-west US. Two are families in which the bullied child committed suicide, so we hear the sad stories as told by the parents. In the three other families we either see or hear how the kids are bullied.

On the school bus, we watch as 12-year-old Alex is stabbed with pencils, pushed off and against his seat, called names. This happens every single day, even with the camera rolling. When his parents confront a school official, they're told nothing bad happens on the bus. "They're good as gold," she smiles.

Kelby is 16, well-liked, the star of the basketball team - until she comes out as a lesbian. She's immediately shunned at school and her family is treated as outcasts in their own town. She tells the story of the first day of school, when every student got up from their seats and moved away from her when she sat down. I wonder, what did the teacher do? You get the feeling, nothing.

Ja'maya is 14 and after being constantly picked on every day on the school bus, she took her mother's gun and told the bullies to leave her alone. No one was hurt, but she ended up in detention.

Here's the problem: we know kids bully. We've spoken to many very smart experts about it here at tvoparents. We've heard from parents who've told their personal stories. But after seeing this movie, I feel this problem is just so big. The victims' parents try to help, but most often they don't know their child is being bullied or how bad it is. Teachers and school officials either don't know what to do, or do even more damage by denying the problem or blaming the victim. Police don't press charges, entire towns turn their backs.

So, how do we make things better?  I'm going to ask this question of Bully's director, Lee Hirsch, when I sit down with him next week, so watch for that interview at tvoparents.  In the meantime, take a look at our conversations about bullying. Most recently, OISE's Larry Swartz talked to us about starting right at the beginning, before bullying starts, by creating caring, compassionate classrooms.  I think that's a good solution and I'd say it has to happen in our homes too. Larry helps with that by suggesting some childrens' books that deal with bullying.

If you have any thoughts about this, please share them with us. And if you go to the movie, definitely tell us what you think. Perhaps you see more hope than I do.

They’re great books to hook your kid into reading, says Mary Bigler, Professor of Teacher Education at Eastern Michigan University. She explains that these kinds of books are so engaging to some kids that they’ll devour the books and return to re-read.

Bigler has been teaching for 47 years. She recently gave a presentation at the Reading for the Love of It conference in Toronto. Her talk was called “Reading FUNdamentals”, which addressed the challenge of engaging kids today.

“Children today are computer and television kids,” Bigler says. “If they don’t find your lesson engaging, they’re going to tune out the way they would change the channel or click through.”

Books like the Guinness Book of World Records and Even More Children's Miscellany are good ways to pique a kid’s interest in reading because of the intriguing information. At her talk, Bigler used a question from the latter book: what animal sleeps the most in a 24 hour period? What animal sleeps the least?

(We’ll get to the answer soon.)

Bigler also suggests playing with language, she says. Reading books with jokes, riddles and tongue twisters are a way for children to have fun with language. She explains children are compelled to read and re-read books to understand the jokes, riddles and tongue twisters. From there, children may write their own riddles, jokes and tongue twisters so that they can publish their own books.

But it’s important to know both teachers and parents play a big role in modelling an interest in reading. 

“It’s important for teachers and parents to have fun and to be engaged in reading as a way to keep children engaged in reading,” says Bigler. “If you’re bored, then your students are bored.”

And that’s Bigler’s underlying message: Teachers and parents should make reading fun so that it’s fun for kids.

Oh, and the animals that sleep the most and least in a 24 hour period?

Koala’s sleep the most at 22 hours; Giraffe’s sleep the least at two hours.

So where do you find books with great information for kids? It turns out our latest TVOParents book club is on non-fiction books for kids, and our panel offers up some recommendations. You can also check out our panel on hooking reluctant readers.

And what happens once kids get to school? Here's our discussion Healthy Schools, Healthy Minds.

NPR has a story today about an Easter egg hunt that has been cancelled in Colorado because the parents are too aggressive. It goes on to say 2 companies in New York have actually started "take your parent to work" days so Mom and Dad can keep a close eye on their progeny.

People get a grip. Parenting, believe it or not, is not a competition.

We took part in an interesting twitter chat a couple of weeks back on the over-the-top birthday party culture.

And it refreshed some discussions you might find interesting...

Well, let me recommend you read this article by Ishmael Majeed. Full disclosure – he is my nephew. He recently wrote about the appeal of the Hunger Games Trilogy for the Montreal Gazette.  Did I mention he’s only 12-years-old? And can you tell I'm one proud Aunty?

The clinic has a nurse practitioner, a family doctor and a pediatrician available every Tuesday morning and Wednesday afternoon. And they have a multilingual international medical graduate student to help anyone with a language or cultural barrier.

Karl Subban, the principal, has been on our show a couple of times - he's a force for change to say the least. The TDSB teamed up with two agencies to make it happen.

We talked to Karl about empathy...and we talked to a few people about how to create a community school...and why it might help in some cases with the declining enrolment crisis.

Feature image courtesy The Toronto District School Board

The Water Brothers, who are featured on TVO's Water Week,  are trying to get people to stop buying bottled water and filling landfills with plastic. Bottled water has never made sense to me, although I have bought it in a pinch. I'm way too cheap and it seems like such a rip off.  But there's another issue that's close to my heart, even closer than saving a few dollars, and that's the damage bottled water plants can do to water tables.

A few years ago, I attended a rural meeting about an industrial development that was planned in my farm community. I showed up with a plastic water bottle. Within minutes, residents were talking about another industrial development that was harming their land, their livelihoods - a local bottled water plant that had been operating for a few years. It's a huge plant that supplies much of the bottled water you buy at Ontario grocery stores. Residents said the water table had been affected and they'd noticed a change in their wells. They were worried. I got worried. And I realized how stupid I'd been to bring bottled water. I didn't know the extent of the problem until I heard it from locals. I don't think most city dwellers get it - that bottled water comes from somewhere. After that, I made sure that we had lots of reusable drink bottles kicking around the house.

That's a story from home. Here's a story from away. My daughter just came back from a volunteer trip to Kenya. She lived and worked in a small rural village where she learned many things, including the value of water. The women there walk several kilometres every day lugging big plastic jugs of water. The water comes from a pond - a muddy, opaque pond. That's what they drink. They rarely boil it - firewood is scarce - so they drink it like it is. My daughter felt terribly guilty for having bottled water supplied by the aid agency, but she'd have gotten very ill if she'd drunk the local water.

March 22 is UN World Water Day, a good time for a conversation with the kids about water here and around the world. You can talk about where our water comes from, how it's treated in municipal plants, the animals and plants that live in water, the people in the world who don't have enough. Don't worry about the weight of the conversation - there's always a way to make it age-appropriate, as we discovered in our discussion, An Inconvenient Youth.

We've also put together all of our interviews and articles about civics and environment, and we've hosted a book club about books for the budding activist, with advice for getting kids thinking about their world.

TVO is celebrating Water Week with special programming. Take a look. Talk to the kids. Fill your cup from a tap.

Remember the song the two former students sang in the school hallway? Kate and Janelle sing Neko Case's Star Witness...and are a tribute to why arts programs enrich us all.

And at the bottom of it all? What's a school board to do with a declining student population? No easy answers.

You'd think this wouldn't happen in Toronto, a city known as one of the most diverse in the world, where 47% of the population report themselves as being part of a visible minority, where more than 140 languages and dialects are spoken. Yet it does. Racism is alive and well, albeit sometimes more subtle than it used to be. That was the message of our guests who described the new racism.

March 21 is International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination and the theme this year is racism and conflict - that racism and discrimination are often the root cause of conflict. That conflict can lead to to genocide, or at the very least, disrupted lives and lifelong struggle. We've explored the issues faced by refugee children when they get to school, sometimes for the first time. It can be very difficult. Well-known parenting expert Barbara Coloroso sees the link between genocide and bullying, both of which have contempt for other human beings at their core.

The first article of the United Nations' Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that “all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights." Today's a day to remind ourselves that we're all responsible for that, including those of us standing on elevators clutching our purses.

In the course of studying over 2000 musical compositions, they discovered something pretty neat - "each composer had his or her own highly individual rhythmic signature."

The study was highlighted in futurity.org's article There's math hiding in the music we love - '“This was one of the most unanticipated and exciting findings of our research,” asserts Levitin. “Mozart’s notated rhythms were the least predictable, Beethoven’s were the most, and Monteverdi and Joplin had nearly identical, overlapping rhythm distributions. But they each have their own distinctive rhythmic signature that you can capture."'

We have talked about this business of music and children - and our slavish devotion to the idea that music makes kids smarter. Or that it helps kids with math. Nothing irritated our experts more than that. Why does music have to help math? Why isn't music essential to a child's success on its own merits? Why must it be accountable?

We have some pretty cool thinkers on music in this country...check out the Music and the Mind lab at McMaster University in Hamilton - headed by Laurel Trainor who was on our panel discussion.

Some of my favourite books to read with my kids were non-fiction books. In fact, I kicked myself for not thinking of two in particular, because I wish I'd written them. I'm referring to Unicef's books about kids around the world, which I still have in a box somewhere: Children Just Like Me and Children Just Like Me - Celebrations!  They have photos of kids and their families, what they eat, what they wear, where they go to school, their homes, their friends - all the things I want to know about how kids actually live in other countries. Why didn't I think of this? I would gladly have travelled around the world meeting children and telling their stories. Next time.

These books appealed mainly to my girls, who liked non-fiction stories about people. My son preferred books like The Way Things Work or Stephen Biesty's Cross-Section books.

Our experts say non-fiction kids' books can hook reluctant readers and broaden a child's knowledge of the world. Our TVOParents Book Club discussion on Non-Fiction Books for Kids explored the options and our experts offered their favourite picks.

We've also talked specifically about books that hook reluctant readers and books about history and geography - some of which are non-fiction too. If you have any favourites to add to our experts' picks, let us know!
 

I thought it was quite ingenious, actually.  My daughter knew she couldn't say she hated her baby sister.  And she couldn't hit her.  But she could love her to death.  I'm happy to report that many years later, although they still have screaming fights about clothes and other things, they are the best of friends and turn to each other every day for love and support. Whew.

Apparently the arrival of a new sibling is prime time for an eruption of sibling rivalry. Makes sense. Kids compete for resources in the family, and a new baby takes up a lot of attention and resources. Sibling rivalry at all ages is normal, but sometimes it can get so out of hand that people get hurt, emotionally or physically.

I sat down with psychologist Oren Amitay to talk about this. When is a spat normal, and when is it the sign of a problem? Why do some families seem to suffer from so much sibling rivalry, and others not? How can parents help keep the peace? Or should they get involved at all?  These are just some of the questions I asked Oren. He repeatedly said, "It depends on how parents handle it."  So I asked him to explain. He also shared his own family's experience - he has a 14-year-old, a 10-year-old and a two-year-old, so he's in deep.  Here's that interview. Good luck, and may all the sibling rivalry in your home be normal.

It appears now my kids have the same need to get outside. My youngest daughter just came home from a volunteer work trip to Kenya. She's 'discombobulated', as my colleague Nicola aptly called it, struggling with the juxtaposition of two very different worlds. So what did she do last night, when she didn't know what else to do?  She took our dog for a long walk.  She was up at 3 am this morning, thanks to jet lag, and as soon as it got light out, she went for another walk, for two hours. We live downtown, so this is no nature walk, but she was outside, free, wandering, observing, thinking.  Later today, she's planning on walking to a park with her friend, where they'll do more of the same. 

It's March Break right now, and I'd recommend outside free time over any other activity. It's cheap, easy to organize, and gives kids and adults a real break from all the organizing and structure that defines the rest of our lives. If you can get your child to a natural environment - a park, a forest, the waterfront - even better. There's lots of research now that validates the calming, yet exciting effect nature has on  human beings. We interviewed Richard Louv after he published his book,  Last Child in the Woods, where he described so-called "nature deficit disorder". He was joined by outdoor educator Grant Linney and Cam Collyer of Evergreen. It was a good discussion and might give you some ideas for March Break with the kids. Enjoy.

She praises Ben Levin's book How to Change 5,000 Schools - and he's in England this month delivering a lecture to the Institute of Education - talking about us (Ontario) like we're something!

Here's our sit down with Ben Levin from the People for Education conference where he talked about the difference between innovation and improvement.

What can sports accomplish in the life of a young person? Sports asks a lot...and a lot is asked of sports these days, but these girls prove that success begets success.

One of the most poignant themes in the Oscar-nominated documentary "Undefeated" about the football team at Manassas High School in Memphis, Tennessee is stated by the unbelievable coach Bill Courtney: "You think football builds character? It does not. Football reveals character."

Sports, at its best, can do that. At...its...best.

Congrats to the senior girls' basketball team at Brittania Secondary School. Here's our take on what sports can teach kids - beyond winning...

Also, did you see this controversial anti-obesity ad campaign that came out in Georgia?

My New Home is a documentary that shows us what the kids go through. It follows three kids who move to Britain - Imran comes from Afghanistan, Altynay from Kyrgyzstan and Marshal from Zimbabwe.

Everything is so different, as you can imagine. Imran says his new home has no goats, Altynay misses her grandmother, and Marshal meets his little sister for the first time. They have to adapt to new homes, new families and friends, new weather, new schools, new everything. Imran says there's no space to play and misses his friends in the village, Altynay becomes very quiet, Marshal regresses and prefers to play with his younger sister and watch cartoons.

You can watch My New Home online.  Then, you can see them five years later in the sequel, which is airing on TVO Sunday at 8pm.  That film is also available online.

The series is filmed in Britain, but the issues would be similar here. After the first episode aired, we invited some settlement experts in to talk to us about the challenges faced by immigrant children. Here's that discussion.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about the documentary series and about our discussion. What do you think children need most when they move to a new country? What were the challenges for you and your children?

I don’t remember who won the game, but I do remember the commercial. It was quite popular and at this point has well over 51 million views on YouTube. You could say the video went viral.

I liked it when I first saw it because it was a playful commercial. More than that, it appealed to me as a Star Wars fan/Dad. I didn’t end up buying a car after seeing it, but it stayed in my mind.

Theresa Hanrahan, a teacher in the Toronto Catholic District School Board who supports children and fellow educators as a literacy coach, screened it at her media literacy presentation geared to teachers of grades 1-3 at the Reading for the Love of It conference in Toronto recently. There were lots of chuckles in the audience.

Hanrahan showed it to demonstrate that commercials contain powerful messages wrapped in alluring packages. “The Force” commercial was cute because it appealed to a generation of people who’ve seen Star Wars and who may be in the market for a new car. This generation may now have their own kids who they’ve introduced Star Wars to, and who play dress up.

Hanrahan said the commercial can be used to start a discussion about media literacy. Parents and teachers can ask kids:

• Can you relate to what the boy was doing in the commercial?
• What were you feeling?
• When you play dress up do you know it’s fun and not real?

The point she wanted teachers and parents to make is that while dressing up as Darth Vader is fun, kids (and Dads) don’t have the Force, a special metaphysical power.

Another tip Hanrahan suggested is that if children don't understand something they see on television they can:

• Turn off the television
• Change the channel
• Ask questions
• Do something else

In her media literacy work, Hanrahan wants to equip children with the knowledge that media – on television, online, etc. – is constructed with many messages. She also wants to equip teachers and parents with the know-how to start discussions to help kids.

Oh, by the way, the Green Bay Packers won the Superbowl over the Pittsburg Steelers by a score of 31 to 25. (I had to Google it.)

For more, here's a TVOParents.com article on decoding media messages.

“The Force” Commercial and Images – Courtesy of Volkswagen of America Inc.'s YouTube Channel and Facebook Page

For more on ADHD and what to look for, check out our resources:

Teach for Success: Rethinking ADHD

ADHD: A Few Facts

Special Education: How to help your child

What do you think? Do you have a December baby who was diagnosed with ADHD? Do you believe teachers should be more understanding of the age gap?

"Why is this?"  asked one parent.

Another parent, a mom, said, "Well, it takes a lot of courage to do this, and I think at this age, girls are more courageous."

I hadn't thought of this, but the more I did, the more I thought she was right. Girls are courageous. If that's true, then how many stay that way, and how many don't?  What happens?

As a mother of two girls, I think these are pretty important questions. Terrifying, if you read Heather Mallick's column in The Star.  Mallick looks around at the challenges facing women today - U.S. law student Sandra Fluke being called a  "slut" and a "prostitute" by Rush Limbaugh because she advocates for birth control, Conservative MP Stephen Woodworth trying to re-define when "personhood" begins - and concludes women are no further ahead than we were a century ago when it comes to deciding who we are, who we want to be, who we can be. 

How do we talk to our daughters about this?  Will they roll their eyes and say, Mom, you're over-reacting?  My girls might. They're young. They think the world is their oyster. Why would they think otherwise?  As parents, however, we know it might not be so easy. How do we ensure our daughters stay as strong and courageous as they were when they were young?  International Women's Day is a great opportunity to start talking.

Here are a couple of TVOParents discussions to get the conversation started.
 

As soon as we think we've got it all covered, we realize there's something that's slipped our minds.

Fortunately the folks at TVOKids are thinking of some of those little things we sometimes forget. Like fire safety checks. This month they launched the "Push the Button" campaign urging parents to push the button on their smoke alarms to make sure they are still in working order. While you're at it, you can talk about fire escape routes, what to do when there's a fire, Stop Drop and Roll and all of that. You can even make it fun by using a stick of incense and holding it up to the alarms to make sure it goes off when exposed to smoke. Talk about how the science behind that works. (Some alarms use lasers and others use radiation). That even makes it a learning moment! So you've killed two birds with one stone and lessened your guilt on at least two fronts with just one little project! Sit your child down and get them to draw out the various fire escape routes too. That should should buy you enough time to sit down on the couch, have a nice cup of tea and exhale. For a few minutes, anyway. UPDATE: As of March 14, 2012, 21,223 kids and families have Pushed the Button on the TVOKids site, indicating they had checked their smoke alarms.

It's also important to catch other things early - Ontario hospitals check your newborn's hearing, but it's good to have it checked. And their vision too. Some seeing problems must be diagnosed by 8 years or it's too late to fix. And what maybe called a learning disability could be just a need for glasses or sitting closer to the front of the classroom. Here's a discussion we had on when and how to test your child's hearing and vision...and now we might as well throw in the teeth.

So any good news on the environmental front is welcome...

TVO will be launching its programming for Water Week...Check out the special programming including the world premiere of The Water Brothers.

Why isn't it okay to be introverted? Especially since one third to one half of us are.

Why does school insist on the 'new group think'?

Why are 'solo flights of thought' frowned upon?

What do we lose by pushing our introverts to be extroverts?

Susan Cain will tell you. She was/is one. And she gets a standing ovation...

A young black man gets on an elevator. The woman who's already there pulls her purse a little closer. It's a small movement, almost imperceptable, but the young man notices. This has happened too many times to count. How does this affect him?  It causes three stages of stress:  1. It's a life event that occurs often   2. The event is considered unfair   3. He can't do anything about it.  Our normal response to stress is fight or flight, but he can't run away from this stress and he can't fight it, at least not in an immediate way. The stress builds and builds and can lead to negative outcomes - poor health and cognitive development, shorter life expectancy, increased rates of schizophrenia and psychosis. This was part of Dr. Kwame McKenzie's presentation on mental health, youth and racism. He's a psychiatrist, researcher and policy advisor at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) in Toronto.

The objective of the conference was to explore the impact of mental health on children and youth who've been exposed to violence, racism, loss, abandonment, neglect, poverty, incarceration and apathy. All of those situations can lead to trauma.  "A traumatic experience impacts the entire person - the way we think, the way we learn, the way we remember things, the way we feel about ourselves, the way we feel about other people, and the way we make sense of the world..." writes Dr.Sandra Bloom, founder of the Sanctuary Institute in New York. 

Sarah Yanosy and Landa Harrison of Sanctuary said kids who are racialized suffer trauma, and said if we took only one thing away from their presentation, let it be this: When you meet someone whose behaviour concerns you, don't ask "What's wrong with you?"  Instead, ask "What happened to you?" They also shared this surprising statistic:  in a study that looked at rates of adversity in the general population, 66% of people had suffered some form of trauma in early childhood.

They gave some examples of how trauma might look in kids:

• The child who can't make any friends - we see a child with poor social skills, but in fact, he could have suffered disrupted attachments, and need trusting relationships, not social skill training.

• The child who can't sit still - we might say he has ADD, give him Ritalin. In fact, he may have suffered trauma and is now hyper-vigilant, in survival mode.

• The child known as a 'tornado child', who gets the whole class stirred up - if he suffered trauma, his body would have been flooded with endorphins and he'll need to keep that level high to feel normal. He thrives in chaos, confusion, high stimulation.

• The aggressive child - trauma causes fight or flight. He may be fighting to stay alive.

• The lying child - trauma can cause gaps in memory. To survive, we need things to make sense, so this child may make things up to fill the gaps.

You can see how looking at the troubled child with trauma in mind changes everything.

We've talked about the effects of trauma on refugee children and how schools can help them feel safe.  Here's that discussion:

We're going to keep looking at children and mental health. Watch for our updates as we approach Mental Health Week in May.

I would like him
here or there.
I would like him
anywhere.
I do like
green eggs and ham.
I do like them,
Seuss-I-am.

My Mum is now 85 and if she'd read to me from Dr. Seuss I would still end up laughing so hard I would double over. It is one of my favourite memories. I think Dr. Seuss would have liked that. Happy birthday to a classic man, who "got" kids, no matter how old they were.

Here's our list of great children's books that you entered in our book contest earlier...and yes, he's in there.

The study also looks at the favourite authors that kids are reading...here's their list:

1. Roald Dahl
2. Roderick Hunt
3. Jeff Kinney - Diary of a Wimpy Kid
4. Francesca Simon
5. JK Rowling
6. Allan Ahlberg
7. Stephenie Meyer
8. Jacqueline Wilson
9. Michael Morpurgo
10. Dav Pilkey

Have you seen our list? Or rather, your list?  We asked you to submit your favourites...and then there was the What Book Should Every Kid Read contest in which you submitted a book that every kid should read during their childhood - even the experts were impressed by that...

Want more on Reading and Writing? Check out our special theme page with videos, articles, blogs and resources.

Our team works hard to find the best info to keep you on top of what's happening in parenting and education. It's a thrill to have that work acknowledged!  Congrats to the whole team.

The World Media Awards recognize successful bloggers and publishers across the globe. Categories include everything from Best Education Blog to Best Sports Blog and Best Political Blog. Judges are professionals in the digital community, entrepreneurs and other bloggers.

This is thrilling for us because our team, with lots of support from others at TVO, has worked hard to launch our re-designed website. It's been a true labour of love at times, but we really believe in what we do and want to share it as widely as we can.

So thanks, World Media Awards!  You've made us very happy.